A Lost cause
by xoxo.Beauty
Summary: An overly used expression of ones love is the phrase " I'd die for you". The question, is would they really? In the midst of all this pain will Bella Find love? Will she "die" in the place of those she loves only to have her heart broken in return? Rated M due to mentions of assault. TRIGGER WARNINGS. If you don't like DON'T read.
1. Exposed

AN: I DO NOT own twilight , I am only using the characters and some of the plot. This fanfic is set in Twilight , when Alice, Jasper and Bella escape to a hotel. This entry if kind of graphic and contains triggers. If you don't like don't read.

I wrote the note not to stray away from reality that this man was dangerous, but to protect those who i love. I loved the cullen family, my father and my mother, And if this sacrifice is what it took to keep them safe, that's exactly what I'd do.

I left the hotel without turning to look back. I'd taken 40 dollars from Alice's purse in efforts to cover taxi expenses. I was going to do this and I didn't have time to convince myself that I was too scared to do it. This isn't for me this is for them. I flagged down the first guy I could and gave him the address to the studio. I slid in the back of the cab and clutched the half full can of pepper spray my father had given me months earlier. I knew James was a vampire, but it was worth a shot. It was all I had to try and defend myself with. I stared out of the window the remainder of the ride praying my mother was alive and that he'd kept his word. It hadn't quite occurred to me how I'd feel or what I'd do if he hadn't. He had to keep his word; he just had to.

The ballet studio was closed of course, but I paid the driver and he only offered me a shake of his head in return. He probably thinks I'm on drugs. I sighed and faced my destiny, or fate whichever you call it. The walk on the pavement sent chills down my spine and each step made me feel less comfortable. I closed my eyes and approached the double doors and braced myself for whatever was to come. It was worth it , right?

I could hear the sound of my mom calling my name. She sounded frantic and in a panic. My heart fluttered and my pace quickened. It didn't phase me that i was in danger anymore, my concern was her. I needed to get to her; Free her from this pain I've caused. I ran to the source of the cries, only to find a locked door. I pulled and pried frantically trying to open the door separating me from my mother. The door finally gave away to reveal videotape, replaying over and over. I slid down against the wall. I'd been tricked and I let him. This was it. I heard a chuckle from behind me. I turned to find the source only to find reflections of James from each and every mirror. He taunted me with his appearance. Suddenly Edwards's words rang in my ears from before. "A _s if you could outrun me_ ".

I didn't bother asking him what he'd wanted, or why me. I knew why. He wanted what he couldn't have; he wanted to kill me because Edward hadn't. I was his Prey.

"Hello Isabella", he sneered. The way he drug out my name made me cringe and brought Goosebumps to my skin.

I refused to look at him and he was in front of me in an instant. He took my face inbetween his cold grasp. His strength threatened to show its true colors and crush my jaw in an instant.

"You're so beautiful , I can see why the Cullen kid holds onto you like a trophy".

He let go of my face and steps back to circle me as a lion does the lamb. His gaze intensifies and his eyes burn black. He eyes me hungrily, baring his teeth at me causing me to flinch. Within an instant, he's on me. His hands are in my hair gripping my hair nuzzling his nose in the groove of my neck. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction; he would not make me cry.

" I think we should send Eddie boy a little message shall we?" he taunts groping my body with his rough calloused hands. I push his hands away only to create stronger rise out of him. He shoves me to the ground, stomach first. I put my hand on my cheek, clutching the sore spot that hit the floor.

He touches my calf and trails his hand up to cup my ass. I wipe away my angry tears and shove his hands away from my body. I didn't want his hands on me but I wont give him the satisfaction of going down without a fight. Then I remembered my pepper spray, the only defense I had. He reaches to roll me over to my back and I reach for my can. Before he can make his move to grope my breast I spray the can with all my might. I scramble to get to my feet in efforts to reach the door. He catches me , throwing me down to the ground by my hair.

" I was going to spare you sweetie, be gentle with you , but no now you've earned it rough", he chuckles. I wasn't going to beg and I was going to plead. He sinks to his knees and unbuttons his pants. I close my eyes and clamp my legs together as firm as they can be. This seems to be displeasing to him as he gives me a hard slap across the face and grabs my throbbing jaw.

"Look at me!" he screams forcing my eyes to open. I glare at him with tears in my eyes unable to stop what was coming. He pulls at my pants, willing them to give away. He never breaks eye contact and I never stop willing him to quit.

He places his knees on either side of my thigh and positions himself to enter my entrance. It wasn't until then that I pleaded. I shook my head franticly but no words would come out. At last, it was too late. He'd shoved his member inside of me whole, never stopping or caring of my virginity.

I turned my head to the side lifelessly as he thrust inside of me. His red eyes were back with lust as he threw his head back to moan with pleasure. He made me sick. The pain in my center intensified with each pump and I could feel his member pulsating as his pace began to get rougher and quicker. He growls at me for turning away and lifts us so that my back rested in his hand. I screamed as his nails dug scars in my skin and this seemed to push him over the edge. He released his seed in me and bit me in the groove of my neck. My vision blacked with time as I faded into unconsciousness.

I'd woken to the annoying beating of a heart monitor. I was alive; someone had found me. I sighed and opened my eyes. Everything was so blurry there was no way I could make out faces.

" Oh Bella , Baby", my mother whispered. I could hear the tears in her voice and the thick mass in her throat.

I'd groaned and rubbed my eyes no really sure who the rest of the people were. My vision was starting to clear minutes at a time; I'd be forced to wait.

"Ed-", she cut me off placing a finger to my lips.

"He's right here honey, he sleeps here waiting day and night for you to awake".

"Awake?" how long had I been sleeping?

The events came flooding back to me as though I'd been hit with a brick. My mother grabbed my hand in hers as the tears dripped onto our embrace.

"How long", I ask trying to fight the lump in my throat.

" Three weeks", is all she says as she dips her head to kiss my hands.

The doctor comes in after the nurse explains the news. He's overjoyed to see the start of my recovery and checks all of my vitals. He shoots me a couple of sympathetic looks and I don't except them. I don't want any of their pity. Edward seems tense, never fully able to make eye contact. Things are different but I don't feel strong enough to address it. My dad brought me flowers, roses from the gift shop. I smiled at his attempt to make me happy, but nothing would ease this pain.

" Its Good to have you back bells", he exclaims, kissing me on my forehead. I jump from the touch, silently reminding him of my flaws. I can't help but feel shameful for the feelings I have caused. He probably doesn't know what to do as a father; he's probably going to send me back to live with Renee.

* * *

Days fly by and all I can do is stare at the ceiling, the last memories I have replaying over and over again. At the end of the day, who had I really saved? _No one_. I couldn't even save myself. Edward brought me my phone and gave me affectionate glances ever so often. As if I were fine china then, he won't even hold my hand now. I sighed in defeat and rolled over onto my side. I guess I'd moved to fast, i'd fallen nauseous and needed a trash bin asap. I reached for the little sac baggie the nurse had given me incase of instances like this. She'd mention nausea as one of the side effects of the medications I was on. Edward was at my side in an instant, rubbing my back in effort to help me cope.

We hoped today they would let me go home, but I'd still had yet to be able to prove my ability to walk. My leg had not been broken from the trauma, but Edward had expressed concerns with me coming out of my coma. The doctor ordered the nurse to bring in a walker and if I'd be able to walk, I'd be able to leave.

A part of me wasn't truly ready to leave; Deep down inside the fear ate at me. My thoughts flickered back at james and how he treated me, I'd never wanted to give anyone or anything another opportunity to do that again. The nurse entered with the walker, giving me a small sympathetic smile.

" You can do this Isabella," she cheered. I scoffed as sat upright in the bed.

She held onto the rails to help support me as I plant my feet on the ground. My stance felt weak, but never the less I was standing. I lean forward to press my weight evenly on my feet , to try and make me more stable. This was going to be a challenge, but I knew I could do it. I couldn't let this man have all of me. I wouldn't let him.

I took a step forward with my stronger leg. It was stiff from the lack of use, but was sturdy enough to support my weight. I took another step. This wasn't as successful, but it would get better with time. I was sore, but the nurse smiled at my progress. I tried to smile back at her, but I was so bitter inside. This man had taken from me, what was there to smile about. I walked back towards the bed to take a seat. I was done for today, maybe I could do more tomorrow.

Edward came to kiss my forehead and explained to me his need to hunt. I guess we were going to pretend like everything was fine, I'd guess that would be fine with me. I wanted it to be.

I felt the breeze blow past me as he left. Somewhere deep down inside I wondered where Alice was and why hadn't she tried to come see me. None of them had, not Esme the second mother I thought I had. I heard the nurse come in to check my machines, but paid her no mind. Maybe if I'd pretend long enough , all of this would just go away.

" You had a visitor come to the front desk for you Ms. Swann. I assumed you didn't want any company giving your circumstances and told them you were sleeping".

I turned to acknowledge her, smile even for small attempt at empathizing with me. She had one single red rose and a card in her hand. I felt my brows bunch with confusion. I guess she could tell my shock and placed the flower and the card at the foot of the bed and left without a word. I wanted to call out to her, ask her who was this visitor or where had they gone. It was too late and gave in to reading the card.

I touched the rose that had seemed to be freshly picked and covered with thorns. The petals were an intense shade of red.I couldn't help but shudder as the chills rolled through my body in waves. I reached for the card with shaky fingers. The front had my names sprawled across it and it looked so foreign. The letter "I" was written ever so neatly and graceful, you couldn't help but assume this was a woman's work. I opened the envelope to reveal its contents, a blank black card on the outside. I unfold the card to find a picture with writing on the card. The picture was of James and I along with everything that he stole that night. His arms were wrapped around me, holding me as he savagely took my virginity. I shut my eyes with shame and threw away the photo. The message inside the card made my legs go numb. In the deep letters it read, " see you soon".


	2. Prey

James

I bust the locks in the old house I once lived in. I couldn't remember at what time or what year but it was in my past life. I knew I could only be here for the night; I'd have to be gone by daybreak. I couldn't risk any one knowing I'd been around. Tori had been up my ass since the Cullen girl. Truth is, she was just reeking with jealousy. She was always someone I could fuck; someone I could fuck over too, she and I just have different priorities.

The doors and everything looked the same from what I can remember, so I knew no one had gotten a chance to mess with my shit. Decades after decades I'd spent collecting money and storing it underneath the grounds of this place. I knew this day would come; I'd really gotten myself in some trouble. She was worth it though. _Fucking human_. I bust through the hidden spot in the wall where the cash was stashed. I blindly stuffed cash in a bag I'd been carrying; opting to grab what was left. I had to face the facts, after people discover the hole.

On my way out I can't help but think about her. What it felt like to hold her, what it felt like to be inside of her. I could hear her screams in my head. I admired her fight, her effort to get me off of her. It bored me to hunt my prey only to have them give in. she was pure and untouched. I just needed to get my hands on her again, its been to long.

I pushed past the door and fled on foot. I'd have to use the cash once I got closer to forks to buy a car. Doing my best to remain inconspicuous meant transportation was a must. Humans didn't seem to just run everywhere.

* * *

Bella

I fling the card across the room, panting in efforts to catch my breath. 'See you soon'. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? The tears strolled effortlessly down my face as I angrily tried to wipe them away. I had to go home, I had to get out of here. I reach for my phone and dial the only person I know I can depend on. Dad.

I asked the nurse to get my discharge papers started, only to be argued down by her and the doctor. They made me sign the AMA agreement forms and eventually let me go after talking to Charlie. Poor Charlie, I could see it on his face just how hard he tried to make this easier for me. I pulled my sweater closer to me and turned to stumble to the car. I didn't quite know where I was , but I'd been to the ER plenty of times to learn to read the signs. Besides, it wasn't long before Charlie had caught up to me.

The car ride wasn't the worst, even though it could have been better. I looked out the window to try and pass time, not that much could make me feel better. I wondered mostly about what they told Charlie. I knew they couldn't have told him much, nothing more than the obvious.

" I was thinkin' bells, how- how bout you and I go grab a pizza for the night? Well I mean you can call in whatever you like we don't have to go out, I'm just glad you're home kid." Charlie struggles to get his words together, I thanked him deep inside for not giving up on me.

"Yeah sure, we can do that", I agreed.

He only gave me a nod before pulling into the driveway. He killed the ignition and sat a bit. He was tired and I could tell. It showed on his face what it must have been like having a missing child. The guilt was eating him alive. I reached for the car door handle and offered the best fake-smile I could give at the moment without looking like I was being a bitch. That was the last thing I wanted to do to Charlie, he didn't deserve that. He opens the door and takes the lead to the house. I couldn't help deep down inside feeling watched. I didn't feel safe anymore and it was his entire fault. I tried to shrug it off and made my way into the house.

It felt strange being in the house. Everything was the same, but it just felt so different.

 _"Pack a bag", Edward commanded. I watched as he threw my clothing items into a bad, not stopping or wasting any time. He moved from room to room, his lips pressed into a thin line._

 _"Can't you just lead the tracker away somehow?"_

 _"NO Bella I can't, you don't understand this is a game to him, you're his target now."_

 _I threw my hands in my hair unable to understand everything that was happening so fast._

 _" I can't him", was all I could get out before Charlie came knocking on the door._

The memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't help but feel as though I were still living in the moment. My heart began to race, and my eyes began to water. I wiped my eyes and turned my back to Charlie. I didn't want to cause him any more pain than I already had.

"I – I'm going to go take a shower", I stammer out, edging towards the stairs. He doesn't say a word and I can only assume in effort to keep things from being weird.

Each step I took towards my bedroom burned my aching legs. I felt as though I'd been running for miles, not to mention the pain I felt down there. I couldn't help but dread the last few steps to come, only hoping they would come soon. I reached my bedroom door, it was still shut from when I left. I turned the nob slowly, feeling every emotion I felt that night. I pushed past the door to see everything just as I had left it. _A mess._ I closed the door behind me only to feel the cool brush past me as Edward entered my room. Deep down inside I couldn't help but feel the desire to ask him to leave, but I held it in, I knew he only meant well.

" Why did you leave the hospital Bella? You are not well", was all he said as he leaned against the wall.

I pulled my eyes up to meet his gaze, but only out of spite. To think, even after all of this he still wanted to control me.

"I am fine Edward, I think I would be even better if you'd see your way out. I can do this alone", I felt the anger leaking through my tone, but I couldn't help it. Everything I was feeling is coming out on it's own.

"Bella, you are ill, you need to go to the hospital you are not well", he takes a step my way only causing me to take a step back. a quick flash of pain crosses his face before he nods in agreement.

" I will leave Isabella, but only for tonight, I will see you tomorrow".

I nod my head like a child, stubbornly not wanting to obey the rules. He turns to jump from the window, but it isn't until after he is gone that I make my way over to the window to lock it shut. He wouldn't risk breaking a window for Charlie to hear.


	3. The Plan

AN: This all seems to take place Bella's senior year in the tail end of the spring semester. I know it doesn't exactly go with the original plot, but I'm hoping this all works out in the end. Also vampires are not sparkly in this story but the sun tends to weaken them. Leave me some love, ideas and thoughts on the story.

* * *

More and More days flew by as I came to terms with trying to adapt to everything that has happened. At school no one asks where I went to, quite frankly no one cares. The only one who can't seem to stop caring is Lauren. Bitch is completely sold thinking Edward and I ran away to elope, but had to come back because my dad found us. It was probably Jessica feeding her all those lies anyways, it sounds like something she would say.

Edward and I rarely say anything to each other anymore. He says it's inconsiderate of me not to get checked out and I tell him to go fuck himself. I was tired of being controlled and honestly the one person that seems to understand that more than anyone is rose. She hasn't always liked me, but I finally know why. I wasn't meant to be in their world.

After school I got home and prepare dinner for Charlie as I normally would. I do my absolute best to try and pretend that this was all just a scary dream but its never a success. Everything I see, everything I feel is him. He hurt me in the worst way, and here I am stuck with the pain.

It was 4:30 and I knew I only had so much time before Charlie got off for the night. I pulled out the carrots to begin making he stew for tonight. Charlie always liked stew, almost as much as he liked fish. I shook my head softly and smiled at my old man. There was a knock at the door, and a feeling of regret overtook me before I could even reach the door.

Edward.

" come take a walk with me", he whispers , refusing to make eye contact. A huge part of me wanted to tell him no and that I wasn't going to be following him anywhere, but I couldn't understand what this might be about.

"yeah, yeah sure let me just put the stuff aside for charlie's dinner."

He nods his head and I rush to put things in their places. I didn't now how long this was going to take, but at least things wont be strolled about if it does take long.

We walked for a few minutes in complete utter silence. He lead the way and every now and then I'd glance back just to make sure I could see my house. When he came to a stop, I looked to his face for some sort of explanation. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't push them out.

 _So he broke the ice._

"I think its time we talk bella, we both can't keep doing this anymore".

"when you say we-."

" I mean my family and I."

I could almost feel my heart drop as low as the blow he was delivering. He cant keep doing this anymore the audacity.

"if this is about me not staying in the hospital , I'll go just stay here", I pleaded reaching for his hand.

"You're not.. Good for me bella," he sneers.

"I am good enough for you."

"I should have never brought you into this world, for that I am sorry", he sighs.

I can see right through his sympathy act. None of this is about our real problem, my rape or the fact that my rapist is loose. No, this is about control and the lack of it he has on me.

" You should be", I whisper before turning on my heels to walk back home.

I was done, I didn't need this shit, Not now. If he wanted to go fine , but he could shove his sorry excuse up his ass.

By the time I'd made it back to the house it had started to rain. I'd cut the carrots and the potatoes and was working on the roast I'd had in the crock-pot since earlier. I tried to distract myself from looking at the phone; secretly hoping this was just a fight. I knew it wasn't, and I also knew I needed to be stronger for myself. No one should have that kind of control over my decisions and me. Occasionally I'd caught myself glancing at the clock, checking the time, but with each passing hour I was sure we were done. I sighed and put the soup on low and ventured upstairs to take a shower.

The water felt good against my skin. I reached for the knob and kept turning until I couldn't take the heat anymore. I just felt dirty. It was this time that I took for myself and let it all out. I scrubbed my skin raw, the burning water making my skin burn. I didn't care. I wanted to remove any hold any man thought he had on me. Even Edward. The smoke detector alarm sounded and it wasn't until then that I surrendered to the scalding water. I slowly let my feet step onto the cool ground and reached for a bath towel. I knew the only way to get the dreadful noise to go away would be to clear out the steam. I opened the door, and let the cool air sooth my skin. Charlie couldn't have been home, or else he'd question the noise. So I crept to my room to dry off and change.

Yet something was off. The room felt colder and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up straight. I closed my eyes and clutched my towel tighter. Could this be him?

James

It was moments before I contemplated whether or not I'd go to the room and see her. I'd stayed away to keep the Cullen boy off my tracks, but today he skipped town. _Punk bitch_. He didn't deserve her, I wasn't sure that I did either, but still. The alarm sounded throughout the house, but I never heard her scream. My mind wondered, dreaded the possibilities of hat she was doing, but I knew this was my entire fault. Yes, I didn't know she would be my mate, but even then, if my mother were alive, shed scald me dead if she knew what I did to that girl.

I jumped to the side window in another room in the house. I was nervous, I didn't want to startle her, but I didn't want her to hurt herself anymore than what I had already. Shut off the shower and I could feel the heat radiating from the small bathroom. I walked to her room, carefully not to alert her. Her smell engulfed my senses; the monster in me was raging. She smelt so good. MINE. SHE WAS MINE. I crossed the room to retreat to the window, it wouldn't be fair showing up like this. She didn't need that. I broke the lock on the window, stopping her from keeping me locked out. The whole act took all of about ten seconds yet it took her only about four for her to come into the room. I had time to get out but not time enough for her to know was there.

If I weren't a vampire I would have missed it.

If she weren't my mate, I wouldn't care.

But ever so faintly as I made my way back into the tree line I could hear her say " I hate you".

* * *

Bella

Charlie came close to about nine and by then dinner had been put up. I stayed in my room and didn't bother going down to speak; he was okay. I focused my anger towards James, and his audacity he had coming here. I also knew that deep down inside, something should worry me that he came tonight. I guess I just figured, what worse could he do.

When morning came, I cursed the sun. For once of my most miserable days in forks, the sun was shining like I had something to be happy about. I rolled over with a groan, but I knew eventually I was going to half to get ready for school. I push the covers back and sit up on the side of the bed. The alarm clock that half assed worked read 7:42 which meant I had about an hour or so to make it to my first class.

I sighed in defeat and slipped my feet into my slippers to trudge my way over to my closet. What another shitty ass day in this shitty ass town. I grabbed a loose fitting top with a nice comfy sweater to at least look like I'm not having a mental breakdown. My jeans were a problem though, getting them on was a struggle, but I guess they were just a perfect fit.

Classes were the same, same old lectures about shit we already knew about. Whispers were practically heard in every class. Nosey students wondering about the cullens and why they had left. I rolled my eyes at the ignorance of their accusations, but pretended not hear. I had about a month left of my studies and could get out of this place. I wouldn't go to my mother either; she was always the child and never the parent. Now wouldn't be the time to take care of her either while she went about recklessly. I glanced at the clock, praying for time to fly by sooner, but to no surprise it never would.

Lunch was trash as always, but I settled for a bag of chips and a sorry peanut butter and jelly sandwich they give to the kids who forget their lunch. I sit at the table alone, but out of the corner of my eye I can almost see him. James. I could feel his eyes burning holes through me as he stares through the window. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to even acknowledge his presence. I grabbed my chips and walked to the library. I'd finish my lunch there, in the windowless room.

* * *

James

That bitch. I groaned and pulled at the hairs on my head. I paced for a few seconds before taking off into the tree line. I was sure no one had seen me and I knew I wasn't on camera. I also knew there was no way that she couldn't feel me. She felt me like I felt her. She cant deny the way she feels about me for much longer.

I pushed through the trees I encountered and ran until the dull pain from being away from her started to return. I cursed the mating call and damned it to hell. I didn't sign up for this lovey shit. I didn't want to feel this way, but I couldn't stop it either. I was losing control over the man I used to be and wasn't quite sure if I liked who I was becoming. This wasn't me, I didn't give this to tori all these years for a reason. I knew I couldn't be this man; the man who comes home to a wife who cleans and does the laundry. I wasn't the man who would stand outside and play games with his son until the sun went down, or have tea parties with his little girl. I was a fucking monster; I took lives and didn't deny my nature. I was a Fiend for games, even if the opposing player didn't want to play. I've lost my humanity.

I made it to small cottage I'd been hiding out at. It was some abandoned place hat might have been used for hunting or some shit. You could tell no one had been there for years, not a human anyway. I shoveled through my shit for the map I'd needed. We couldn't stay in forks forever, and I knew Eddie boy would be back for her soon, so I'd have to make a move. It was the middle of April and by the middle of may she'd be getting her diploma. Then there's daddy dearest. I'd have to earn her trust and promising not to kill her father won't be enough. I'd only take her willingly and only then will she be willing to tell her father she was going to venture off to explore the word or some shit. Only then will he let her go.


	4. The Meeting

I just lay there in the night as the crickets chirp and the minutes turn to hours. The nights get harder and harder and my dreams are on repeat. I can't turn away from seeing his face. He's everywhere I see. I roll over to face my alarm clock. I couldn't sleep and Charlie had been working a late night, it was no use of just laying here.

I grabbed the robe from behind my door and started down the stairs. I'd never been a smoker, but I knew where Jessica left those cigs last time she'd been at my house. It won't mean anything to her; she'd already gotten another pack. I dug through the top cabinet in the kitchen for the half empty package, wishing I'd cut on a light. I found the cigs and a lighter and went for the back patio. I knew it was probably the last place I needed to be, but being trapped in that room surrounded by my thoughts was killing me.

The cool night air slapped me in the face and I tugged my robe closer to me. I didn't want to get sick and have another reason to be confined to this shit whole. I took a seat in the porch swing that was probably as old as dust, but sturdy enough to hold me. I sat there swinging softly while the night air called to me. I let out a breath that I did not know I had been holding in and my thoughts drifted to Edward. That coward.

I scoffed as I kicked my foot lightly and began to swing harder. I couldn't believe how insensitive he became but honestly I guess I could. I should have seen this coming. He controlled anything or everything that has ever happened in our relationship or what was our relationship. He made decisions for me. Tears burned my eyes as I reached for a cigarette from the carton and began to fidget with the lighter.

"Those are so fucking bad for you, you know."

I knew that voice and every hair on my body was standing at attention. I could admit to myself that I was utterly petrified, but to him I was a brick wall.

"fuck off, you got what you wanted, remember", I bitterly sneer.

He takes a seat next to me in the swing quicker than my human eyes can see. My heart rate begins skyrocket, but I hold my poker face. He feeds on this.

"Would you believe me if I said I was sorry sweet face? "I put the cig down and flicked the lighter, igniting a small flame.

"Piss off you arrogant piece of shit, you've done enough", I spat at him. I wouldn't take it anymore; I got up to leave only to be drug back down. Our eyes met and his fierce red ones burned holes into mine.

"You can be mad at me for the Rape for the rest of your life, I get it, but I saved you girl. That kid didn't deserve you. I thought this was all a game and that I would kill you and go home, but it was more than that. Once I laid eyes on you, once you fought me and wouldn't let me dazzle my way into your pants, I needed you. I wish I could say I regret everything, but I don't. You just don't know what you're about to give me. I'll make it up to you I swear. Now take your ass in the house before you get sick." He snatches the box of cigarettes and before I could sass him, he was gone.

I couldn't take it anymore, all of the emotion that threated to spill out of me came and I was finally breaking down. I wasn't in denial about what had happened. I had been raped; my virginity was stolen. Edward had left me because I was no longer useful to him and I was stuck in this godforsaken town. I sat there and cried and used my shirt to wipe my nose. By the time I'd gotten the strength to get up my nose was so stuffed my head was pounding. I just wanted to die.

School the next morning was as usual, a waste of my time. Most time during what was left of my senior year I drew doodles in my notebooks In the back of the class. I knew I should have been focused but I was ready. Edward always took pride in my knowledge and honestly, I think that's the only reason he chose me and not Lauren. I scoffed and choked on a small chuckle, failing miserably not to draw attention.

"Something funny Ms. Swan? I believe you do know that this final will be worth 60 percent of your final grade. I hope you do intend to pass." Mr. Andrews, the perfect pain in my ass.

"No sir", I mutter, knowing he'd heard. He turned back to the board and began discussing other matters. I was getting tired of this school and I was getting tired of this town. I used the remainder of class to finish taking my notes in silence.

The day continued to drag on but I was okay with that. It was less time I had to spend looking at the walls of my room. It also got me away from Charlie. Not that I didn't love my father, I just knew he felt guilty and it wasn't his fault. The Cullens told it like we went into town and I'd wandered off alone and had gotten abducted. If only it were that simple.

* * *

James

I couldn't help but think about her as I walked through the woods, making my way back to the cabin. I knew there was apart of me that should be ashamed. Watching her suffer and hearing her cry at night. I was, I just if I hadn't have done it, and I'd never have learned her. I would have just killed her, another soul lost to a vampire. She was different. I used to value my lifestyle, taking pride in being bitter about not having a mate or losing that chance. Now that I have her, I guess I can actually say I have something to keep me going.

I pushed past the door and threw the stale cigarettes on the table. I rubbed my face and walked to the bathroom. I knew I couldn't run around forks any longer, I needed to blend in. I reached under the cabinet to pick up the shave kit I'd gotten from the corner store. I began to carve away at the years of growing hair and went for a clean shave. I left some hair at the top, but cut down the sides, I needed to look younger, less wild.

I took a shower and took the time to get my nails clean. I laughed a little thinking about what my mother might say if she'd seen me now. "Son you look like don't nobody loves ya". I let the water beat down on my skin as 101 thoughts invaded my mind. I needed a car, but before I got a car I needed a name. Hell, I needed an identity. I groaned and shut off the water.

The guy or whoever didn't have much clothes, or maybe he skipped town or something. What little he did have fit me okay, but it wouldn't last for long. It smelt stale and the jeans fit just a little baggier than I liked.

"Hey vic I need your help with somethin."

"Don't you always baby brother", she laughed.

"It's important this time, really, I need you to get me some identifications".

* * *

Woooo so sort of interesting chapter. Yes, Bella is James mate, however, he doesn't quite understand these feelings. He knows he is wrong but he isn't quite used to love and affection. Please review; tell me what you think. Until next time xoxo


	5. Acceptance

Hey guys! I'm back to continue where we left off. So what did you guys think about victoria turning out to be james' sister? I thought that would be the most accurate role instead of making her a jealous ex. Well onto the story.

Bella

* * *

The days that followed were a drag. It was days before I saw him, but not even half the time before I thought of him again. I hated him and I hated how I felt about him. his presence sent chills down my spine, but I couldn't help but look for him. I constantly thought back to that night. When he came to stop me from smoking. At first I thought of him out of defiance, considering going to buy a pack just to spite him. After some thought I began to wonder why would he even care to begin with.

I pushed the covers off of me and walked to the closet to figure out what I'd wear to school. It was humid and the weather was not in my favor. I opted for a hoodie and slipped on some Nikes and those comfortable yoga pants I loved so much. _Who was there to impress._

I threw my hair into a messy bun and dragged to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash up. I wasn't feeling the makeup, but that wasn't unusual for me. It felt good splashing the water onto my face, almost welcoming. I felt a sense of relief that I didn't realize was needed.

The parking lot was quite empty. People were skipping more and more towards the end. There was honestly no reason to come, but Charlie would die if I didn't show. I slide from the cab of the truck and retrieve my bag. I could feel a slight headache coming on and could tell my day was already cut out for me. I slammed the door behind me and rushed to first period.

I knew it would only be days now; I'd passed my finals, as I knew I would. Teachers were giving us bullshit work to keep us busy and students were paying false attention to keep from trouble. I couldn't help but daze into my own world. The Cullens were gone and because I'd spent all of my dear time with them, I didn't exactly make many friends. My thoughts began to drift to ang. That's my friend. I felt myself smile for once since these miserable few weeks. I didn't see her until the end of the day in our 7th period class. I hadn't said much to her since the incident, but knowing how she was, I was sure she'd understand. Today I would speak to her, tell her I was okay.

Among all of the terrible people in high school, there was my horrid lunch; my least favorite part of the day. I was trying to find somewhere to sit, not daring to sit where the cullens used to sit. I didn't want to sit with Jessica; I knew she'd only let me sit there to hear about what I'd gone through. She was one of those girls. I honestly can't say what happened or what I did, but I guess I'd missed my step. I pushed my hands in front of me in efforts to catch myself, but failed. I'd hit the ground, and my vision had started to blur. I tried to get up but felt prisoner to my body. I could hear people in the far distance, but I'd saw plenty of people before I'd fallen.

"Call 911 she isn't responding."

"Get me towels!"

"There's so much blood."

People were scrambling around me but my body defied me. I couldn't move. My head was pounding, beating against my scull in competition with my heart.

 _What is this?_

James

* * *

I could feel pain like no other. I fought to ignore it as I continued my hunt. It started become uneasy running through the trees, I almost feared I'd lost my prey. I drug my prize to the ground before cracking the neck to savor the blood. It had been days since I fed, and this was not what I'd been expecting. The last thing I'd prefer to eat was that of an animal, but hunting the humans had not been the same since her.

I groaned before tossing my meal. I had to get to forks, this wasn't right. The pain would not dull, and I was certain it was she. _She was suffering_. I reached in my pocket to retrieve the information Vicky was able to salvage for me. She'd found a home in Port Angeles owned by a Young male similar to me in age. I hated the circumstances, but I needed it for her. Vicky went through a bunch, changing the names and securing the home and funds. I knew I had to make this count.

I made it back to the house where I'd be staying. I knew I didn't have time for a shower but I needed decent clothes that weren't covered with blood. That would be the last thing I'd need. I snatched the button down from the closet and began to dress. The pain started to intensify and I knew I was running out of time.

"Fuck", I groan rubbing a hand over my face. I rush out of the house grabbing the keys to the parked car and rushed to forks. I knew it would be faster if I ran, but I need to be as inconspicuous as possible.

I thought to try the school , but the better half of me was calling from the hospital. She was hurting. I sighed in frustration and tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I searched for her, not physically but just as I had the night we met. I could feel her, and I wished I could say I hated the feeling but I don't. I followed her.

I made it to hospital not bothering to park in any relative location. I'd grabbed my phone just incase things would not go as planned. I knew Vic would be here. I walked the halls aimlessly. It wasn't as easy as I thought, walking and talking as the human does. I'd have to give those cullens their props. I wanted to run, this pace was beyond too slow. I approached a room, I knew she was there; I felt it. I just didn't know for sure if I was ready to see what was behind the door. Even under all of my feelings I couldn't help but wonder would she even want to see me.

I pushed past the door slowly. There she lay all silent and steady. She was connected to wires of all sort, her hair was a matted mess. I walked to her bedside and grasped her hand. It was killing me to know what went wrong, but the flutter of her heart was enough. i leaned down, to touch her cheek. Her warmth burned my hand and warmed my soul. Her eyes fluttered open. Her chocolate brown eyes filled with tears that silently fell.

"What can I do", I asked, desperate to make it go away.

She didn't say a word; she grasped my cold hand and squeezed. I didn't know what to do and I honestly didn't know how I felt. I just knew I needed to do something.

"Come with me Isabella, I can keep you safe", I beg. _How Pathetic_.

"You hurt me," was all she said before wiping some tears from her face.

"I know and I can promise you I won't anymore, I just want you to be safe. I've never done this before and I can assure you I am not prepared. If you just let me, I cant make it go away, but I can make you happy", I assure.

She nods her head softly before drifting back to sleep. That would be all I needed. I promised I wouldn't take her against her will, but this was my confirmation. She feels it too; it's there, the feelings, the squirms. She is mine.

I kissed her forehead and left soundlessly. I needed a plan and I needed to free her soon.

Isabella my mate.

* * *

Yay! Forgive me for the long update, hope you all enjoy. I love to see your reviews so please send me some love!


	6. Be Nice To me

Once I made it back to the house I went through the bachelors shit. I needed clothes, I needed clothes, something until we could get out of here. I grabbed fists of my hair and paced the hardwood floors. I kept thinking back to her touch and the way it felt. I couldn't focus, I'd lost all control.

Torri came by within minutes, coming to be a pain in my ass. She brings me clothes for Isabella as she smirks at my ignorance. We sit there for hours, brainstorming between the two of us, focusing on what we knew and what we planned to do. Our main priority was getting her here to protect her.

We relayed the message to Laurent; he was our distraction. He would need to start the fire after victoria grabbed Isabella. Now we just needed a body.

Bella

My head throbbed and I fought to remember the events of yesterday. I remembered being in the cafeteria, searching for a seat. I grabbed the railings and stepped to the lower level. I tried to sit up, but couldn't ignore the pain in my abdomen. I couldn't compare either, were the cramps or the headache worse. It was then that I remembered James and how he came for me. I partly wondered was he stalking me that he knew my every move. I'd worried should I fear, but something about his touch, washed away my fear. I tried so hard to remember his face; his hard eyes had changed. His crimson eyes were the golden bronze the cullens used to share. Where was the killer?

The nurse came to ask me did I remember getting the hospital and proceeded to explain how I'd gotten there. I couldn't help the agitation feeding my reaction. She left as soon as she came and explained my dad would be on his way shortly , but she'd have to ask that we make it quick, visiting hours would be over shortly. I tried to fight her and ask why I couldn't go home, but I knew I'd have no luck; I had a minor concussion from hitting my head on my way down.

Charlie was anxious to see me. it was a shock at first, but it was well understood. I felt bad for him honestly all of these scares this past month, so much has changed. we talked about his day at work and then he drowned me in his apologies. I knew it wasn't his fault he'd gotten here so late in the evening; duty calls. I kissed his cheek and told him I forgave him and everything was going to be okay. He gave a sorrow nod and whispered his I love yous in my hair. I returned them only to follow with a yawn. I felt like the life was being drained out of me and didn't have the energy to keep awake. I closed my eyes and drifted into unconsciousness.

I wish I could say I slept peacefully that night. I didn't have bad dreams, but the night made me worry. Even though there was no sight of James, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand erect from his presence. Something was wrong. I went to sit up in the bed, struggling to prop myself up. I was mere seconds from reaching for my nurse button before a woman burst through. She was the same woman from the field. That day was so blurry to me now, but she and her fire red hair stood out. She clung to James; she was fond of him.

"We don't have much time dear, we must go", she hurried, rushing to my side. I was so confused but had no energy to fight. She unplugged my monitors as the darker man from the field climbed his way through the window. I could feel my heart beating its way through my chest, but I couldn't find the strength to fight. The darker skinned male lit one of the wires on fire as they slowly began to burn. I turned back to the woman, willing myself to ask her what she was doing. Before I could say anything she'd scooped me up into her arms and made her way out of the window. All of the excitement was making the room spin. I was having a sensory overload and fought to maintain consciousness but lost the battle. The only thing I could think of, the only one I knew could save me was James. _Where was he?_

* * *

When I was able to open my eyes they burned from the bright lights. My first thought was to assume I'd been dreaming, but I knew I hadn't. I took the time to scan the room and its contents. It was a nice sized bed with sheets it for a queen and nothing else. I didn't have time to worry about where the furniture was before someone appeared.

James had changed once again. His blonde hair was pulled back into a massive curly mass. His face was hard with no emotion. His eyes burned bright and his jaw was clenched shut. He wore no shirt; his chest was littered with bites and cuts. His jeans hung low, showing off his sculpted abdomen. I adverted my eyes and turned to face away. He was at my side in an instant, gazing back at me with hungry eyes.

"Hello Isabella", he coos. I couldn't help but feel as though I were a child. I look back at him, taking in his facial features. Deep down inside I could almost say I was pleased to see him, but the underlying pain wouldn't let me.

"Why am I here", I ask almost sneering out to him. His expression looks pained but it is gone in the flash of seconds.

" You and the baby are not safe on your own anymore, you'll have to stay with Me." his face was hard and his tone was scolding.

I couldn't say my heart sank; I was more in shock than anything. I remembered talking to Edward about his thoughts on being a vampire. He'd told me of the flaws, on of them being unable to bear children. My hands flew reflectively to my flat abdomen. Nothing was there, but I didn't have any reason to believe he was lying. I wasn't one of those girls to instill hatred in my children, even if this child is a product of something evil. This child will be loved.

He reaches to grab my hand and I snatch it away and turn to face the wall. I didn't know how I felt and wasn't able to process my feelings. I couldn't look at him. _What did he expect? Did he want me to lie down and play house?_ He didn't say anything; he only stood and left the room. I didn't cry, I honestly didn't know if I felt like I wanted to. I just lay there, silently wondering what was to come.

As the day turns into a silent night, the woman from earlier enters the room. She offers me a small smile and slides next to me in the bed. I fought hard to stop from flinching. I wanted to hate her but I couldn't, I knew she'd been nothing but nice to me. She offered her open arms and I scooted over to her. She held me as a mother holds her child. She held me tighter and I began to unfold.

"He really means well, I know he is an ass , but he means well. When we were small children he had it hard. The tough love he received from our father did a number on him. Our father believed strong beatings made a boy into a man and James suffered from it. I am a woman by no means am I telling you to cut him any slack, I just want you to know," she whispered against my hair. What she said didn't change how I felt, but to know they were related changed something in me. Was it closure?

It wasn't long we got to lay like that before James came in. He was angry. He hissed at her and snatched her from my embrace. He roared and told her to leave, they fought and my human eyes couldn't keep up. Before I could fix my mouth to argue she was gone, fleeing from the window.

"What the fuck," I spat at him. He turned to me, eyes full of venom and hate.

"That wasn't her fucking story to tell", he raged. I continued to stare back at him into his controlling eyes. I couldn't fight the intense desire to hold him. I didn't let it change anything; I wouldn't back down.

" You wouldn't have fucking told me, at least she's nice to me", I sneered pushing the covers away to challenge him. He was feeding off of me like a game. He eyes me and his stance was more aggressive almost like before.

"Nice to you", he repeats, inching closer to me. my senses were urging me to back away, run even ,but I stood my ground.

I opened my mouth to say something , but no words left. His arm snaked around my waist and I didn't fight him.

"I can be nice to you Isabella", he slurred, rolling my name off of his tongue.

"Be nice."

He pushes me back into the bed and I let him take control. How do I fight him when its him that my body craves. His lips brush against the curve of my neck and butterflies arise in my stomach. His hands roam my body, his left caressing my breast. I was shocked to hear the moans that escaped my lips. What was I doing?

He kissed my neck and made his was down to my bra covered breast. He growls and forcefully removes the bra from my body. It was so fast, it was hard for me to register, but the sting of the clasps was my reminder. His lips engulfed my swollen nipples as he sucks hungrily. How did I get here? I close my eyes, but before I could surrender myself he was gone, leaving me high and dry.

James.

* * *

Wooooo! That was getting kind of hot. Sorry loves but I don't know that our bella is ready for that just yet. Leave me some love; it will help me update faster Xoxo.


	7. His

I'd given him my body and next I'll bear him a child. What else can I give ... my life? What was it that he wanted? It couldn't be peace, and I knew it couldn't be love. Even Edward couldn't love me, wouldn't love me. So why would he? What did he want, the child? Would my life be over once I'd given birth?

My mind raced from question to question unsure what to make of everything that unfolded. I couldn't explain how he made my body feel, how he made me crave him, but I knew this wasn't going to go away. No matter what he'd wanted from me, my body was his and I couldn't deny it. No matter how disgusted I was with him. I rolled onto my side and crossed my arms over my bear chest. My nipples ached with an unknown cause. I began to think about the baby and whether I'd be happy, or would I be resentful. It sounded shitty that I'd even think of resenting this child, but in reality, I did resent how the child was conceived. I had a plan, I was supposed to be a married woman with a loving husband. Not brutally raped and falling in love with my rapist.

In the midst of my thoughts, James slid back into the bed where I lay. He was ever so slow and cautious as though he were testing waters. His arms snaked around me, pulling me close to him. I didn't fight him, I didn't deny my feelings either. We lay there in silence, one not daring to challenge the other. I rolled to face him, wanting to see his face, to see the father of my unborn child. Even after seeing James several times, I still find myself studying the features of his face. I can't burn it into my mind and every time I see him it's almost as though I am seeing him for the first time.

He leans down and places a tinder kiss on my forehead, and I let him. A part of me, dominance unknown, wanted his affection. I was overwhelmed with such emotion, I began sobbing into his chest, unable to hold down the fort. He holds me tighter and rubs my back as the sobs wreck my body. He wanted to be the wall I lean on, so I crumbled. I cried for the rape, I cried for Edward, I cried for the baby and most of all I cried for Charlie. What had I done?

He reaches down and places a finger under my chin and brings my eyes to meet his. And so, I do, bright red nose and cheeks and a nose full of snot and eyes full of tears. I don't hide the pain I feel, not when a lot of it is his fault. He doesn't shy away or back down, only leans down to place a sweet kiss in my lips. He wipes my tears with his sleeve. I kiss him back, fighting to except his silent apology. He squeezes me tightly before flipping us so that I am onto of him.

The kiss begins to deepen, and my heart begins to race. He digs deep into the skin on my back as though he were anchoring me to him. The smallest moan escapes my lips and I almost question whether or not it was me. In an instant I'm on my back and his lips are attacking my face and neck in tender kisses. I welcome them with open arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hand reaches for my thigh and he begins caressing circles on the outside. A part of me was anxious for his touch, begging for more. His tongue makes its way back to my mouth to fight with mine in the battle for dominance. I tangle my hands in his hair as I ease into his touch. His free hand tugs at the cloth separating my pussy and him. He looks at me for acceptance. I sat there as seconds ticked by almost consumed with worry. But then I looked into his eyes and I could see just what I'd been looking for. I nod my head slowly and my panties were gone in a flash. To my surprise my body had already answered his calling, the mind just followed. He smiled with approval at my wetness and I blushed the deepest shade of red. I was so nervous, he was the only man to touch me this way. As far as last time goes, this was … different. He tugged at the fabric of his pants and freed his throbbing member. I could feel my heart fluttering with the slightest bit. His eyes never left my face, constantly scanning for regret. I try and hide my fear, worried he would stop. I needed this, I needed him, but most of all I needed us to exist in world outside of the baby and the ballet studio.

He slowly pressed his member at my entrance. I gripped his shoulders as he smashed his lips against mine. I moaned when he finally gotten in and waited for me to adjust. His arms wrapped around me as he began to thrust inside of me. My head was swimming, his scent was like a drug to me. His touch engulfed me and I honestly couldn't say I'd ever felt such passion, not ever.

His strokes intensified and my heart fought to keep up. He dug deeper as his strokes slowed. He pulled us up so that I was just barely sitting up. His hands dug into my back as I cried out in both pleasure and pain. His eyes began to glaze over as we both battled for release. I felt the tears welling into my eyes, unable to contain pleasure. He rested his head in the curve of my neck and kissed ever so softly. Before I could fight, before I could protest his gentle kiss turned into a bite that brought me to my first orgasm. I closed my eyes and let our juices melt into one another. His tongue races over the place he'd bit, and I couldn't help but shudder. He let out a groan before laying me onto my back.

I knew he didn't need to sleep, but I could have sworn before I slipped into unconsciousness, he wanted to.

James

MARK HER!

I fought my inner thoughts as I made love to Isabella. I couldn't shake the desires the invaded my head. I watched her beautiful face twist in pleasure and the blush that flooder her cheeks. The warmth of her skin against me, burned fires into me. She would drive me insane.

I'd almost came with no hesitation, but then I heard her. She cried out to me, her body pulled me in and I accepted. I couldn't control what was happening all I knew was that I needed her.

MATE!

I couldn't fight the growl deep in my chest as I dug deeper into her wet pussy, digging for her sweetest spot. I pulled her closer to me, forcing her to sit up. I couldn't handle the smell of her, the rich smell intoxicated my senses. She carried my baby, she was my mate and one day she would be my wife. I went to kiss her soft skin, but my mouth betrayed me. She came hard, crashing down onto me as our bond was sealed, set in stone. She was mine forever, no one else's. I lay her down and I lay beside her, cupping her warm body close to mine. She was fast asleep in minutes, exhausted. I could only lay there and listen to the frantic beating our child's heart. I watch her sleep that not, watching peace consume her.

About a quarter to six I slip away from her embrace. She called out to me, half awake, but soon fell back into a deep slumber. A part of me hated to leave, but deep down inside I wasn't in denial. Last night wasn't supposed to happen, the gift she'd given me I didn't deserve. After all, I was the one who hurt her.

I ran with no direction in search of hunt. My cold soul was burning with emotion and I couldn't stand the feeling. Weeks ago, I was a free man, terrorizing as I went and now I am a vulnerable man. Should anything happen to Isabella or our child, I'd be as good as dust. I couldn't find anything appeasing, nothing smelt as good as her, nothing tasted as good as her. I pushed passed the trees as I past, the anger burned in me. It angered me that I couldn't focus, and that the kill, the once love of my life was gone. I blindsided a bear near the outskirts of town. It helped me relieve my anger, but only masked the void I was trying to fill. I drained my meal and decided to return home. I couldn't help but scoff at my thoughts. "Home" what was I now.

When I got home it was about half past 8 and Bella was still stirring in the bed, she wasn't quite awake, but I knew she wasn't asleep. I could hear the sound of her heart skipping a beat as I turn the knob of the front door. I made my way to the kitchen, letting the anxieties overwhelm her. I loved that she missed me, but I knew she'd never tell. I immediately thought back to that night, the night on the back porch of her home. She'd been so bitter when she spoke to me, her hostility ate at me, but later that night , she cried out for me in her dreams.

I prepared her a decent meal, probably nothing she was used to , but it was a start. I hadn't scrambled eggs in several years, I'd have to get an E for effort. I poured her a glass of orange juice and headed towards the stairs. She scrambled to get back into the bed as though she'd forgotten I could hear her move. I chuckled at the young girl in her, she was such a child in the oddest ways. I knocked twice before pushing past her door. And there she was, as beautiful as ever. Her hair was pushed to one side, messy from the night before. Her breast were free, her nipples were slightly erect, as though searching for my attention. She smiled softly at me in attempts to hide her bashful nature. I placed the plate on the night table on the side of the bed and sat next to her. She wouldn't meet me with her eyes , only looking at me through her this lashes that could blow me away at any given moment. I offer the orange juice in efforts to get some sort of reaction. She thanked me softly , still refusing contact. The rejection was eating at me like a dog with a bone and I couldn't bear another second. I move to stand only to have her catch my hand.

She was mine.


End file.
